A Lazy Friend

I remember the exact moment that I joined. I had heard all of the buzz about this “Facebook” thing, and decided that I should cave in and give it a whirl. It was sometime around July 2007 when I jumped on the bandwagon. And I’ve been going full steam ahead ever since.

Conceptually, I don’t have a problem with Facebook and actually quite like it. I love that I’ve been able to reconnect with some people after many, many years. It’s particularly interesting to see what high school friends are up to these days. And I love that I can keep up with all of my friends from Australia without much effort. Facebook is a lazy way to be a friend. And in today’s crazy and hectic world, who doesn’t appreciate a shortcut every once in a while?

I remember thinking to myself, “I’ll never be one of those people”. You know, the people constantly looking at their Blackberry to see what’s going on in the world of Facebook? And I’m constantly being distracted by the glow from an iPhone that I see in a movie theater or in other cars while driving at night. On occasion, I morph into one of those people. And I hate it. And I consciously (and sometimes out loud) tell myself “Don’t do it Lisa! Put the Blackberry down!” But it’s an addiction. I can’t help it. At least it won’t kill me right? :-)

There are other drawbacks to Facebook as well. It isn’t just the fact that people waste away hours upon hours searching and navigating through all of their friends; or playing a variety of games from Bejeweled Blitz, to Farkle, to Farmville, to Mafia Wars (I’m proud to say none of which I’ve ever played). But there are more serious drawbacks. Here are my thoughts, for what they’re worth:

· Facebook makes you think that the world really cares. Have you noticed that people use Facebook to vent about their lives? It’s like they are bitter about something and want to get it out there in hopes that whoever they are bitter at will see it and read between the lines. Or they want people to feel sorry for them. According to Facebook, it “helps to connect and share with the people in your life”. Unless I’ve misunderstood, I don’t believe Facebook is an online counselor.

· Facebook takes away from personal interaction. Do you ever notice how people will have entire conversations through Facebook via a status update or wall post? What happened to text messaging, or email, or heaven forbid, a phone call? Do you really think that all of your other friends will care where you’ll meet someone and when? Or that you’ll call them tomorrow? Now, I admit that there are times that I’ve fallen into this trap. Sometimes we are selfish enough to think that the world cares (see above) and kind of want everyone to know what’s going on. And sometimes, messaging someone on Facebook is the only way to get through to them. But that’s what an Inbox is for people. Some things are better kept private.

· Facebook is not Twitter. If I want to know what you’re doing every second of every day, and if you feel the need to update your status 10 times in one day, we’re both using the wrong application. I believe that’s what Twitter is for. Go tweet. Don’t clog up my homepage with your endless status updates. By the time I check my homepage, I’ve missed half of them anyway.

· Facebook makes me a stalker. I admit it; I can be a Facebook stalker. I hate that about myself too. I really shouldn’t be that interested in any one person that much. Now, I do tend to return to a handful of pages on a regular basis because they usually have hilarious status updates or they are close friends whom I like to keep tabs on. But in general, I care about some people way too much. And I’m not telling you who you are!

· Facebook can cause me to feel like a loser. Before Facebook came along, I may not have had plans for an evening or a weekend, and I was totally fine with that. But now, I pull up Facebook on a Sunday evening or Monday morning, and all I see are people’s photos of their fun and amazing weekend plastered everywhere. And I think “Geez, I’m a loser.” I should’ve been out doing something. Generally I’m ok with that, but on occasion, it bothers me for some reason. What has happened to this world that a website should dictate how I feel about myself? Yikes!

Now, after all of this, I’m still an avid Facebook user. I think that it provides an opportunity for people to reconnect over what has become a totally acceptable form of communication. But I also want to focus on not falling into the Facebook traps. I want to NOT be a lazy friend to those people who matter the most to me, and I don’t want Facebook to take the place of building and maintaining relationships with people.

Having said all of that, I do get a warm fuzzy feeling when someone posts something nice about me on my wall, or “likes” a status update or a photo, and I appreciate people doing that, so all is not lost on those gestures. I do love Facebook. But I don’t want it to run my life.