Losing My Way

Lisa, it’s okay. Life sometimes gets in the way. Don’t beat yourself up. Just get back on track. Pick up what you know you need to be doing, and everything will be just fine.

Yes, I talk to myself on a regular basis. I think I keep pretty good company with myself. I know you do it too. I think we all do. Sometimes we need that little conversation that only we can give ourselves at just the exact moment we need it.

This time of year, I always find myself in this situation. Life happens, and I lose my way. I get distracted by things that have to get done and are seemingly more important than anything else. My schedule becomes the schedule of someone who justifies to themselves that they don’t have time to take the extra 5 minutes in the morning to pray, that they don’t have 10 minutes to call someone who they’ve been meaning to call for days or weeks, and that they can’t take 20 minutes to relax at home to catch up on the news and perhaps have a glass of wine. I’m accustomed to this lifestyle, it happens every year at the same time, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I still lose my way.

I think that everyone likes to have some sort of normalcy in their lives. At least during the work week. But why is it that when work gets crazy, our normalcy becomes dictated by it? Shouldn’t we weave in other things that come up in our lives with what we know as normal? I really admire people who are able to stick to their guns and keep some consistency in their lives when things start getting hectic. I tend to get all wrapped up in those things that are making me feel out of whack. Those things that are making me get off track. I tend to not find time to do my laundry. Or take out my trash. Really you ask? Yes, really. It’s horrible, I know. But I get sucked in by this twisted, windy road to nowhere. I need a compass. But I don’t have time to look at it once it’s given to me! I’m walking blindly down a path. And I lose my way.

I recently heard a new song by Tobymac that goes something like this:

We lose our way, We get back up again

It's never too late to get back up again,

One day you will shine again,

You may be knocked down,

But not out forever,

Lose our way, We get back up again,

So get up, get up,

You gonna shine again,

Never too late to get back up again,

You may be knocked down,

But not out forever

So why is it, that in the midst of going through all of this, that I can't do something about it? It seems so simple! Make yourself do it Lisa! Make yourself. Don’t give yourself another option. But it doesn’t really work that way. If I took the extra 5 minutes in the morning to say my prayers before leaving for work, I’d be blabbering some words, but they wouldn’t be the heartfelt words that I really would like to say. They would be rushed, and hurried, and just enough to tick the “to-do” of praying off of my list. That’s not how praying is supposed to be and I know that! And why can I not let myself have 10 minutes at my kitchen table in the morning to eat breakfast? Why must I insist on having an instant oatmeal while sitting at my desk checking emails in the office? Is it really that important? No, it’s not.

I’ve decided that I’m not going to let this knock me down. I will shine again. I will find the way back to my life. I will not be out forever. I am going to grab my compass and point it north. I will find time to do laundry, make my bed, take out the trash, enjoy breakfast at my kitchen table, read the fabulous book that I’m half-way through, pray, and by all means, blog. Oh how I’ve missed all of this.

I know that there are times that I have to sacrifice normalcy, and I'm okay with that. But I need something to keep me on track. I need one of those pocket compasses that will always be with me and help me remember what my life is and what my priorities are, no matter what I'm going through . I need to always remember to put God first, let Him lead the way for me, so that I don't end up on the twisted, windy road to nowhere. So that I have His light to follow, and to help me shine in my world. So that I don't lose my way.