Straight From The Heart

I’m 33 years old. I know in my description of myself on the left side of my blog, I say that I’m thirty-something, but I’m putting it out there – I’m 33 years old. Just barely 33, but 33 nevertheless. I’m single. I am reminded of that every single day. Most people around me are happily married, engaged, or dating, and are parents, aunts, uncles, and all kinds of things. I met someone the other day whose mother had six kids by the age of 33.

I am nothing more than a daughter, a sister, and a friend. And I’ll be brutally honest here, and I’ll tell you straight from the heart, it bothers me. It bothers me that my parents are not grandparents, and my sister is not an aunt. I’m not a wife, a sister-in-law, or a daughter-in-law. I want to be more than just a daughter and a sister. And I know that there are many other people (particularly women) in the same shoes at me. We thought we'd be married by now. We thought we'd be parents by now. We thought we'd have the life that we had always dreamt of as a little girl by now.

I have a lot to offer people! I’m a great honorary auntie to many of my kids’ friends. And I love them as if they were my real nieces and nephews. I love being a friend, and that‘s an honor that I wear proudly, and I’m blessed with so many special people in my life. And I love those people. They are my world.

But I wish there was someone else to share my life with as well. Someone to call first automatically when something exciting happens, or when something sad happens, or when I just want to talk to someone. Someone who I always have to do things with, not have to hope that one of my friends (most of whom are married by the way) just happens to be available and willing to do something with me.

(Side note: I LOVE my friends’ husbands, and they are just as special to me in their own way as my friends are to me).


I don’t want someone to complete me, but someone to make me even greater than the whole person that I already am. Someone that makes me a better person and joins me in my relationship with my Father.

So I think about all of this. Every. Single. Day. It weighs on my heart and on my mind. I try not to think about it, but that makes me think about it even more. Some days are “good days”, when I talk to God and tell Him that I’m okay being single for the rest of my life, because it’s starting to look like that’s His plan for me. And I just ask Him for peace about whatever His will is for me (and I’m going to need a lot of peace if someone tells me that I’m not going to be a wife or a mother).


And then there are the bad days. When I can feel my ovaries shriveling up. And I look at every single man walking on the street as a prospective husband.


And I honestly wish people would stop telling me “Lisa, you’re not old. You have plenty of time and you’ll find someone and settle down, get married, and have kids”. Really? How do they know that? Do I really have plenty of time? Is there really someone out there for me? The people who tell me that, for the most part, are already married. It’s easy for them to say that, but they really have no basis for saying it do they? But I love them for it. I love that they just want to make me feel better. I love that they are optimistic for me.

I was at Sunday School a few weeks ago and I walked into a class that I had never been to before, and knew only the two people that I was visiting with. And what was the lesson for the day? Marriage. Finding a partner for marriage. Why you shouldn’t settle for a partner. How nobody can fill a void in your life other than the Father and His son. And why we shouldn’t look for someone else to do that. WOW! I mean, it’s not like I didn’t really know any of this, but I can tell that God was working that day. He was working just for me. And He was working in me.

But I’ll tell you what I remember most vividly form that morning’s lesson. Something that I haven’t been thinking this entire time. What I think might just be the golden ticket for me and give me hope.

We will never be ready for a relationship with someone else until we have the right relationship with God.


I’ll say it again:

We will never be ready for a relationship with someone else until we have the right relationship with God.


Can I just say that a wave of relief came over me when I heard that. Why? Because I wholeheartedly believe that it’s true! And I know that I’m currently working on my relationship with God, and getting closer to where it needs to be. And this made me realize that I don’t need to even worry about meeting someone or developing a relationship with someone until I’m right with my God. I need to not think about it until He is the focus of my life, not whether or not I’m going to be single forever. And I have a feeling ,that when I’m right with my God, when I have the relationship that I need and that He wants me to have, that I won’t care if I’m single or married, or a mother or an aunt. All I will care about is that I’m right with my Father. And when I’m there, nothing else will matter and I truly believe that I’ll be a content woman, no matter where my life leads me.

Who am I to question God's timing?

So, I sit here now, feeling hope and feeling excitement about what my future holds. I will not allow myself to despair over being just a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I am proud to be all of those things. And for now, that will be good enough for me. And when the time comes, when I’m ready to meet that special person, God willing, then I will jump into it with open arms and an open heart, and it will be right.