Straight From The Heart

I’m 33 years old. I know in my description of myself on the left side of my blog, I say that I’m thirty-something, but I’m putting it out there – I’m 33 years old. Just barely 33, but 33 nevertheless. I’m single. I am reminded of that every single day. Most people around me are happily married, engaged, or dating, and are parents, aunts, uncles, and all kinds of things. I met someone the other day whose mother had six kids by the age of 33.

I am nothing more than a daughter, a sister, and a friend. And I’ll be brutally honest here, and I’ll tell you straight from the heart, it bothers me. It bothers me that my parents are not grandparents, and my sister is not an aunt. I’m not a wife, a sister-in-law, or a daughter-in-law. I want to be more than just a daughter and a sister. And I know that there are many other people (particularly women) in the same shoes at me. We thought we'd be married by now. We thought we'd be parents by now. We thought we'd have the life that we had always dreamt of as a little girl by now.

I have a lot to offer people! I’m a great honorary auntie to many of my kids’ friends. And I love them as if they were my real nieces and nephews. I love being a friend, and that‘s an honor that I wear proudly, and I’m blessed with so many special people in my life. And I love those people. They are my world.

But I wish there was someone else to share my life with as well. Someone to call first automatically when something exciting happens, or when something sad happens, or when I just want to talk to someone. Someone who I always have to do things with, not have to hope that one of my friends (most of whom are married by the way) just happens to be available and willing to do something with me.

(Side note: I LOVE my friends’ husbands, and they are just as special to me in their own way as my friends are to me).


I don’t want someone to complete me, but someone to make me even greater than the whole person that I already am. Someone that makes me a better person and joins me in my relationship with my Father.

So I think about all of this. Every. Single. Day. It weighs on my heart and on my mind. I try not to think about it, but that makes me think about it even more. Some days are “good days”, when I talk to God and tell Him that I’m okay being single for the rest of my life, because it’s starting to look like that’s His plan for me. And I just ask Him for peace about whatever His will is for me (and I’m going to need a lot of peace if someone tells me that I’m not going to be a wife or a mother).


And then there are the bad days. When I can feel my ovaries shriveling up. And I look at every single man walking on the street as a prospective husband.


And I honestly wish people would stop telling me “Lisa, you’re not old. You have plenty of time and you’ll find someone and settle down, get married, and have kids”. Really? How do they know that? Do I really have plenty of time? Is there really someone out there for me? The people who tell me that, for the most part, are already married. It’s easy for them to say that, but they really have no basis for saying it do they? But I love them for it. I love that they just want to make me feel better. I love that they are optimistic for me.

I was at Sunday School a few weeks ago and I walked into a class that I had never been to before, and knew only the two people that I was visiting with. And what was the lesson for the day? Marriage. Finding a partner for marriage. Why you shouldn’t settle for a partner. How nobody can fill a void in your life other than the Father and His son. And why we shouldn’t look for someone else to do that. WOW! I mean, it’s not like I didn’t really know any of this, but I can tell that God was working that day. He was working just for me. And He was working in me.

But I’ll tell you what I remember most vividly form that morning’s lesson. Something that I haven’t been thinking this entire time. What I think might just be the golden ticket for me and give me hope.

We will never be ready for a relationship with someone else until we have the right relationship with God.


I’ll say it again:

We will never be ready for a relationship with someone else until we have the right relationship with God.


Can I just say that a wave of relief came over me when I heard that. Why? Because I wholeheartedly believe that it’s true! And I know that I’m currently working on my relationship with God, and getting closer to where it needs to be. And this made me realize that I don’t need to even worry about meeting someone or developing a relationship with someone until I’m right with my God. I need to not think about it until He is the focus of my life, not whether or not I’m going to be single forever. And I have a feeling ,that when I’m right with my God, when I have the relationship that I need and that He wants me to have, that I won’t care if I’m single or married, or a mother or an aunt. All I will care about is that I’m right with my Father. And when I’m there, nothing else will matter and I truly believe that I’ll be a content woman, no matter where my life leads me.

Who am I to question God's timing?

So, I sit here now, feeling hope and feeling excitement about what my future holds. I will not allow myself to despair over being just a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I am proud to be all of those things. And for now, that will be good enough for me. And when the time comes, when I’m ready to meet that special person, God willing, then I will jump into it with open arms and an open heart, and it will be right.

Taking The Stand

The book that I am reading right now has small little assignments on occasion. Things called “Take Aways”. The first Take Away in this book was to “write your story”. There were really no other instructions other than that. My story? My story of what? Why I want to read this book? A description of my life today? Then it hit me. The author wanted me to write about my life story as a Christian. How it happened and what it means to me. He said that if we have never written out our story, that we would be amazed at the impact that it would have on us. He said “something special occurs when we write out our thoughts and experiences”.

I knew right away that I was not going to actually write my story, but type it. And then I thought, why not just turn my story into a blog? I’ll tell you, I was hesitant. There are things in here that many people who are reading this don’t know about me. It’s me opening up and being vulnerable. Some of those close to me know this story, or slight variations of it. Others who are close to me have never heard this story. But here it is. I am taking the stand. Giving my testimony.

I grew up in a loving home. I had two fantastic, loving ,supportive parents and a sister whom I generally got along with, aside from the normal sisterly spats that any sisters experience growing up. I had everything that I needed and we were able to go on family vacations on a regular basis, but we weren’t what one would consider an affluent family. As children, my sister and I were able to participate in whatever sport we wanted, we were both involved in the band from a young age, and our parents encouraged us to get involved in things. I’m glad they did.

What I don’t remember very well from my childhood is ever really learning about God. I do remember being dropped off at Sunday School with my sister, but never really going to “big church” since my parents didn’t regularly attend. I knew there was a God and I believed in Him, but I wasn’t ever taught (or perhaps I just didn’t pay attention in Sunday School) about really having a relationship with Him and what it meant to be a Christian.

I grew up, as most non-believers probably do, thinking that being a good person would get me into heaven. And I considered myself a good person. I mean, I was nice to my parents, I got along with my sister, I had some great friends, I was generally a likeable person, I had no real enemies, I wasn’t mean to people, I didn’t drink or smoke while I was growing up, I never really got into trouble – I was the average good kid. I graduated high school still not really knowing much about God and happily living out my life as a “good person”.

Then I attended Baylor University, which is a private Baptist university. To this day, I still don’t understand why I really ended up there. I knew I wanted to be in Texas, and it was sort of process of elimination that I needed up there. It was small enough for me to not feel like I was just a number and large enough that it still felt like a proper college. I won’t get into some of the interesting aspects of that school when it comes to religion, but suffice it to say that I was exposed to a lot more about what it meant to be a Christian and lived with a group of Christian gals, even went to Bible studies and the occasional church service with them. But, I was content being a “good person”, still not understanding what it really meant to be a believer.

I graduated college, started work, and moved to Houston where my parents had moved while my sister and I were in college. Now all four of us were in Houston after living for 17 years in Albuquerque, New Mexico. We were happily transplanted into the fourth largest city in the country, and Houston was a great place to start my career.

Concurrently with all of this happening, I married and settled down in the heart of Houston. To make a long and somewhat painful story quite short, it was an unhealthy marriage from the start. I don’t know what it was (ok, I really do know what it was – but I’ll spare everyone the gory details), but I do know that neither of us were Christians. And I’ll tell you, someone can believe that there is a God, even go to church, and still not be a Christian.

I know every religion has it’s variations on this basic concept, but generally speaking, someone has to acknowledge that Jesus Christ died on the cross for them and their sins – that God sacrificed His Son for them, then brought Him back from the dead. And the acceptance of that, and the prayer made during that acceptance, and the belief coming from the depths of your heart and your soul – that acknowledgment, and that acknowledgment alone, makes you a Christian. Makes you a believer. Saves you from a life in hell. Provides you with the promise of everlasting life in the kingdom of heaven.

So, needless to say, after my divorce, my life was in a bit of turmoil. I was re-settling in the same city that I had been living and (happily) adjusting to single life. But the circumstances of what happened in my marriage were still weighing on my mind and on my heart. Knowing what had happened, and feeling somehow guilty for that, kept me a prisoner.

Not long before this, probably about a year, my sister had started going to church at Second Baptist in Houston. Second Baptist is what most would consider a “mega church”, and mega it is. She grew up in the same home as me, but clearly had a different journey since we went to different universities, had different friends, and chose vastly different careers. But she became a Christian, and I saw a change in her. And that made me curious.

As mentioned above, after the divorce I was a happier person, but still struggled with why certain things had to happen in life, why they had to happen to me, and certainly struggled with the label of “divorced” that I would have with me for the rest of my life. Now when I was filling out forms, I couldn’t check the “single – never been married” box.

Now I know that a majority of marriages today end in divorce, but trust me, when it’s YOU going through it, statistics don’t matter. Nobody wants that. It’s failure. And the general nature of humans is that we don’t like to fail when it’s a conscious choice that we made.

So I really began thinking about God. I had always believed that things happened for a reason, and I struggled with this one. I remember trying to make sense of it all, then having the realization that maybe it was never under my control. Through talking with my sister, I realized that I didn’t have to go through this alone. That God was always there for me and that I didn’t have to make decisions without some sort of help or guidance. I remember thinking to myself, “How did I ever make a big decision before in my life? How did I bear the stress of having to do that on my own? How have I not realized up until now that I can pray about these things, and that God will give me answers and help me get through anything that life puts me through?” It was such an important revelation for me. The belief that everything that happens in my life does in fact have a reason, even if I don’t understand it at the time.

If you read Luke 8:22-25, it serves as a reminder that Jesus is in control of everything, we just need to have faith that He will take care of us. And He often puts us through things to test our faith.

I began going to church with my sister at Second Baptist and something started pulling at my heart. I couldn’t wait to get back to church every Sunday. I couldn’t wait to get there and listen to the promise that was spoken to me out of the Bible. Second Baptist is an amazing church for people seeking to know God and wanting to learn more about becoming a Christian. It was just what I needed.

I was so hungry for information about God and to hear people’s experiences. These were real people with real lives and real examples of God working in their lives. They weren’t freaks. They were neighbors, friends, co-workers, parents – everyone you could imagine. They were normal, everyday Americans and foreigners who all had one thing in common – they believed in God and in Jesus Christ, and they had independently made that choice using the freedom that we are given in America to do so. I wanted it so badly! But I still didn’t feel like I was “qualified” enough to make that decision. I needed to know a bit more.

The way it works at Second, and likely most, if not all Baptist churches, is that an invitation is given at the end of each service – an invitation for people to join the church from other churches, or to accept Jesus Christ in your life for the first time and become a member of the church. So I would sit there each service with my sister, knowing deep down that I wanted to do it, but not feeling quite ready yet. I would watch people walk down the aisles of this massive worship center week after week and stand in front of everyone there as evidence of their decision. It was a powerful moment during each service.

And then one Sunday (March 17, 2002 to be exact), I could contain it no longer. During that service, something stirred in me and I could hardly wait to walk down those aisles. When the invitation came, I looked at my sister with tears in my eyes and said that I was ready to walk down those aisles. She went with me, and on that day, I prayed the prayer that has saved me. I accepted Jesus Christ into my life and into my heart, and became a brand new person. That was my Christian birthday! I was baptized the following Sunday with my parents, sister, best friend, and others in town to witness it. And it has been the best decision that I have ever made in my life.

So friends, I speak this testimony to you for no other reason than I just felt that I needed to do it. I have never been on the witness stand before.

I love my God more each and every day and am in constant awe and wonder because of how He works in my life and in the lives of others around me.

There is one thing that I want to leave you with, and that is this: You are not alone in this world. When you go through tough times and you think that your world is crumbling apart, or you’re just confused about the meaning or direction of your life, there is a plan behind all of it. The plan for me was to bring me to Jesus Christ. And it worked! Only believers go to heaven. And I’m so glad that I’m among that group.

Cheerleading Camp

“We’ve got spirit, yes we do! We’ve got spirit, how ‘bout you?”

For anyone who has ever been a cheerleader, or likely anyone who has been to a football game with cheerleaders or a pep squad, those words will sound very familiar to you. I was a cheerleader for two years in junior high, believe it or not. And we went to cheerleading “camps”, which were sometimes just day-long workshops or a weekend camp and competition.

In any event, I remember the one time that I won the Spirit Award. The Spirit Award was given to the person who was full of spirit, lively, loud, enthusiastic, supportive of others etc. Is it any wonder that it was given to me? I don’t think that anyone has ever mistaken me for being quiet and passive. I’ve not won a Spirit Award since, but I remember the encouragement that I felt when I held that “Spirit Stick” (a baton with streamers on both ends) – a recognition of what I thought was just my personality, but I guess my spirit and my enthusiasm were just shining through that day.

But there is another kind of spirit that I’m trying to learn better to embrace – one that should be equally as lively and enthusiastic and that should make me shine.

I don’t know about you, but I always talk about God the Father and God the Son, Jesus Christ. How God sent His Son to die for our sins on the cross. But what’s missing here? It is, after all, the Holy Trinity. Trinity is three. God the Father, God the Son, and God……the Holy Spirit.

I often times forget about the Holy Spirit. But words used to describe the Holy Spirit are such things as the Helper, the Counselor, Friend, and Spirit of Truth. The Holy Spirit is with us ALL THE TIME and never leaves us. Did you get that? The Holy Spirit never leaves us! He is our friend, our helper, our counselor. When we pray in the moment, when we ask for calm and peace and guidance and comfort, guess who is there giving all of that to us? Yep, that’s the Holy Spirit.

I think I forget about the Holy Spirit because I pray to God, and get caught up in my “asking for things” or “acknowledging the awesomeness of God” mode, not realizing that the answer for many of the things I pray for is actually the Holy Spirit. That He abides in me (which He does, by the way) and that He guides me when I feel lost or off course. I know I cannot see Him, just like I can’t see God or Jesus, but this is the guy that keeps me company in an immediate need. He is by my side. He is my biggest supporter. And I fear that He goes too often unnoticed in my world.

A book that I’m currently reading called Lord, Help Me Grow Spiritually Strong, simply says this: “All you have to do is call out to Him in prayer, and He will come to your aid anytime, anywhere”.

So friends, please work with me here in remembering and adoring and accepting the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit that is so freely offered up to us. When your earthly friends are too busy, or too far away, and your family is tied up, or you have a problem that you don’t feel like sharing with anyone else, share it with God, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit will come running as quickly as you can pray the words, and descend upon you and fill you up with everything that He is.

And one other thing: when you feel filled up with fear, or guilt, or frustration, or anxiety, or worry, or chaos, or anger, or envy – know that the Holy Spirit is there waiting for you to ask Him to fill you up with His spirit and throw all of those other feelings from your mind and your body. Ask the Holy Spirit to take over. Our God is not a God of fear, or guilt, or frustration, or anxiety, or worry, or chaos, or anger, or envy. He is a God of love and truth.

We need to remember this in trying times. I know that’s it’s easier said than done. I can think of several times within the last six months when I have had friends remind me of this. Times when I’ve been full of fear or worry or chaos. And all I can do is bow my head and pray. Ask God to send my loyal companion, the Holy Spirit, my way to get rid of those thoughts and feelings. And remember this:

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things” – Philippians 4:8

So, whether you realize it or not, we’ve all just attended Cheerleading Camp! And I would like to attend many more in the future. And I will try, with everything in me, to win that Spirit Award, for only the second time in my life. I want to be filled with spirit, have it radiate from me, have it be enthusiastic and contagious. And not just any spirit, but the Holy Spirit.

Breaking It Down

I’m an accountant. And to make it worse, I’m an auditor. But do not fear, I have nothing to do with taxes. Let’s just sum it up by saying that I spend my time making companies think about what’s happened in the past, all in the name of protecting the investors. Most of my clients don’t really like me. Well, at least what I do.

Some would also say that I have a Type A personality, which, according to http://www.wikipedia.org/, means that I fall within the group that “can be described as impatient, time-conscious, controlling, concerned about their status, highly competitive, ambitious, business-like, aggressive, having difficulty relaxing; and are sometimes disliked by individuals with Type B personalities for the way that they're always rushing. They are often high-achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about delays”. This also means that I have an analytical mind. So what?

Well, I’ve been reading a book . And something in this book really hit a cord with me. The book is called Blink by Malcolm Gladwell (on a side note, he’s got another great book called Outliers and one that is next on my list, Tipping Point – check them out!). The thing that grabbed my attention was the statement that “In the act of tearing something apart, you lose it’s meaning”. I don’t know what “something” is, but I like the concept on the surface.

So, it got me thinking about how I overanalyze the heck out of most things in my life: a relationship, a decision at the office, why I should or shouldn’t buy something new, do I or do I not go to yoga, how much money to put away in my savings accounts, where to eat dinner – a wide array of things with varying levels of importance to my life. And I think that this is sometimes healthy, because it gets our minds thinking and keeps us on our toes. But I think it can sometimes be not so healthy.

My personal opinion (and experience) has been that men typically follow their heads and women typically follow their hearts. When I think of someone who follows their head, I think of them as analytical: considering all of the consequences of each possible decision, the impact those decisions will have on other people or things, whether or not a decision is logical or rational etc. When I think of someone who follows their heart, I think of people who go with a gut feeling. They make decisions in the moment. That doesn’t mean that they are completely reckless and live life with carefree abandon, it just means that they realize that there may be some ramifications associated with their decision, but they really truly feel like it is the right decision to make. And they may not even know why.

I think a healthy balance of thinking with our heads and our hearts is probably the best place to be. But I so often get caught up in the analytical aspect of a decision. I don’t put faith or confidence in myself to actually make a decision on a whim or with my gut feeling. And this brings me back to the statement above: “In the act of tearing something apart, you lose it’s meaning”.

Gladwell went on to say that too many of us focus on the mechanics of a process or situation and don’t think about it holistically. We don’t consider the different parts that we have broken down, put together as a whole.

I don’t really know what the point of this blog is, other than that a light bulb went off in me and I am going to try to NOT analyze things so much for a while. I’ve been doing it now for a long time. I’m going to give myself a break from the exhaustion of thinking about things so much. I have some friends who are really good at this. They go with the flow, they don’t stress about decisions to the point of stomach ulcers or sleepless nights (neither of which I have a problem with, just for the record), they live life with their heart. They don’t break everything down to pieces.

And honestly, I think I’m a lot better than I used to be. At least in all aspects of my life except for relationships. With those, I still beat the heck out of them. I overanalyze them to the point that I convince myself that something is or isn’t a certain way, just because I’ve thought about it so much. Do you do it too?

It’s scary. I hate it. But I’m human and part of me is just grateful that God gave me the ability to think (because let’s be honest – some people aren’t actually very good at that!). I say I’m better than I used to be because I also depend more now on my faith. Faith, in this regard, is not always knowing why certain things happen or why certain decisions are made, but just believing that they are the right thing to do. Following your heart and letting your head have a little rest.

Revisiting Rome

I’m not gonna lie to you. I love Rome. I love the food, the irresistible aura of the Italians, the fact that you stand at a bar and order espresso and drink it while still standing there, the tiny little back streets that are just oozing with character, and the gelato- oh the scrumptious gelato! My stomach is grumbling now at the thought of it and I can almost taste it. Creamy, cold & fresh. Yum.

I will revisit Rome one day. I promise. For now, I’m content revisiting Rome at the time that Paul was writing letters to the Romans, trying to teach them about the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, about God, and about the Christian faith. About how to live life as a Christian. I’ve blogged about it before, and I guarantee you that I’ll blog about again, but the Book of Romans truly inspires me. And I’ve decided that it’s time that I revisit Rome. Please join me on this journey….

So what brought all of this up?

I’ve been reading a daily devotional book about praying (as I think this is one area of my Christian life that I particularly struggle with), and it’s been surprising to me what I am learning. On one hand there is a “formal” method of how to pray (look at and dissect the Lord’s prayer), and on the other hand, God wants you to talk to Him freely, to have uninhibited conversation with Him, and to tell Him what you need, what you are struggling with, praise Him, and the list goes on. So which way is right?

I’m no expert, but I think the purpose of prayer is to acknowledge God: His power, His strength, His abilities, His perfect love for each and every one of us, and His complete and utter devotion to us, and to develop and enhance our personal relationship with Him. Prayer evidences our faith in Him (who would pray if they didn’t believe that something could actually happen as a result?) and helps us connect with Him on a personal level. And that’s what He’s really after in the end. And that’s also how we find out His will for us.

I’ve been having many conversations with people and with myself about this topic lately, and the consistent message that I am hearing is, ask God, talk to God, and believe that He can help you and has your best interests at heart. Ask. Talk. Believe. I can do that! So can you!

Let’s get in the Word.

So I’ve concluded now that I need to ask, talk, and believe. Totally doable. But what am I going to ask for and talk about?

One of the Bible verses that has struck a chord with me lately is my favorite verse (if it’s even really possible to have only one favorite verse of the Bible). I’ve included below both the NIV and The Message versions, because I think it’s important to see the similarities and distinctions between the two (I like The Message version for its layman’s terminology and straight shooting):

Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2 (The Message)

Don’t become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

If you’ve read my blog over the past month or so, you’ve seen a constant theme……Losing My Way……Judgment Day….. I’ve been struggling with being in my happy place with God. I’ve become unfocused and feel that I’ve become so well adjusted to my culture that I fit into it without even thinking and at times have been dragged down to my culture’s level of immaturity. But I want to have God bring out the best in me. Luckily, I have certain people in my life who are very good at pointing me in the right direction when I need them to; people who have been there, and who know what a struggle it can be to get out of a routine that it takes a while to even realize that you’re in.

You’ll be happy to know that I have been to church AND to Sunday School very recently (which is a start to accomplishing my goal of finding a church home), and it completely refreshed my spirit. I could tell that God was happy to see me there. I was happy to see me there. I remembered that I actually have a spirit – and a strong one at that!

So all of these things have led me back to Romans 12:2. I think deep down we all want to know what God’s will is for our lives, but I don’t know that many of us are willing to do what it takes to really find out what it is, and then actually listen to Him when he tells us. I know I tend to have a bias towards what I want to believe is God’s will and can analyze the heck out of something just to make it fit.

This brings me to my next Bible verse of the day, which in perfect timing, was brought to my attention by one of my favorite people recently:

James 1:5-8 (The Message)

If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all options open.

Now I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like when I ask for help from people, I get condescended to. And expecting that may prevent me from even asking for help in the first place. Is it the same way for you? The good news, is that God WANTS us to ask Him for help. How great is that! But we have to believe that He will answer our prayers, and believe it wholeheartedly. We have to really & truly think that He will show us His will for our lives, and be willing to accept it even if we don’t like it. Are you still on board?

Good. Because I think that this is very exciting. It’s like having your fortune told by the one person who knows everything about you; by the one who actually created your fortune. But unlike a hokey fortune teller, He is not getting paid. He just has the good intentions of any father who wants to keep their kids on track in life. And He has great plans for each of us, and if we just listen to Him, we will come to know what those great plans are. It’s not to say that they are what we would’ve chosen for ourselves, but they are His plans, so they have to be better than any earthly plans that we have for ourselves.

Bringing it back to music.

This discussion reminds me of a favorite song of mine that goes something like this:

(Excerpt from “What It Feels Like” by FFH)

This may not be the road I would choose for me

But it still feels right somehow

‘Cause I have never felt You as close to me

As I do right now

So this is what it feels like to be led

So this is what it feels like to just fall apart

To be totally unglued

Find out that if I accept my brokenness

I get more of me, I get all of You

So this is what it feels like to just walk away

From everything I thought kept me safe

To depend just on you for every meal

And find that it’s better this way

Can I do it? Can YOU do it?

Wrapping it all up.

So what does all of this mean? Well, for me, it means that I need to prepare my heart for accepting the will of God, and continue to pray about it. George Müller wrote, in reference to determining God’s will for making decisions: “I seek at the beginning to get my heart into such a state that is has no will of its own in regard to a given matter. Nine-tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the Lords’ will, whatever it may be. When one is truly in this state, it is usually but a little way to the knowledge of what His will is”.

I’m going to give this a shot. And I’m going to continue to go to church and to Sunday School. And I’m going to become best friends with my God. I'm going to ask, talk, and listen. I’m revisiting Rome and I have a feeling that this is going to be a life-changing trip.

Making Wise Investments

I just returned from a girls’ trip to San Francisco and the California Wine Country – the Napa Valley to be exact. I needed a little break from work since I just finished busy season and my mind needed an escape. Throw in a couple of good friends, some wine tasting, and sunshine, and it was just what the doctor ordered.

One evening at our hotel in Napa, I was sitting by myself in the lounge area that’s covered, but still outside, so I got the benefit of the cool, fresh air, but was also warm and protected from the wind. I was a happy camper as I had my book and glass of wine, and had just completed a self-guided tour through the vineyards on the property. Next to me was a group of about eight people – I think four different couples. They were considerably older than me, but clearly they were in Napa for the same reason: some wine tasting with friends and an escape from the real world. As I listened to the deep, hearty laughter radiating from their table and heard snippets of their stories, it became wildly apparent to me that they are how I want to be when I’m their age. Not obnoxious (ok – maybe slightly obnoxious on occasion), but joyful, happy, relaxed, and at ease with the people that they were with.

When we are young, we can make investments in lots of different things: investments in our health, investments in stocks & bonds, investments in a house, investments in our career. There are plenty of options, and we each have the liberty to invest in whatever we choose, but ultimately, don’t we all put in the effort with hopes for a positive return of some sort? There are some investments that are meant to be short-term, but I think of those more as business decisions. What I don’t think of as a business decision, is an investment in people.

Although everyone comes and goes into our lives for a reason (and I truly do believe that), there are some people who are worth the long-term investment. They are the people who give you the positive return, because after all, an investment is give and take right? They are worth the time, energy, effort, and sacrifice. They are going to be the people you sit with around a table at a hotel in Napa when you’re 50 years old, sharing a bottle of wine, remembering old stories and creating new ones, and radiating laughter. That is a great return on an investment. It’s a wise investment.

So what do we do with the rest of the people out there? The ones who are good for short term benefit? Those people are important too. And I emphatically do not believe that they are not worthy of time and energy and effort. We all need different relationships at different points in our lives. Every year I meet a new person who may or may not become a staple ingredient in the basic recipe for my life. If they do, they become a long-term investment. They have potential to be sitting around a table with me in Napa sharing stories and radiating that laughter that I keep talking about. But some may just be entertainment. And I’m okay with that as I like to be entertained. The trick is, where do I invest my time and my energy? That’s the lingering question.

I don’t want this to sound snooty at all. And I certainly don’t want people thinking that they are not worthy of being one of Lisa’s long-term investments. I know that I’m a short-termer for many people, and I’m okay with that! It’s fun, it’s living in the moment, and there are some great experiences that come out of it. But the reason I even wrote this blog, is to really remind you of the long-term investments that you have made. You may not have known it at the time, but since you started investing in someone years ago, they have become very valuable to you and have, and will continue, to give you a return on your investment like no other. They are the truly special people, the foundation, the basic ingredients to the recipe for your life. So think about those people often, make the effort to call them, or better yet, write them a hand-written letter and send it United State Postal Service. You’re helping the economy that way too!

And then next year, or five or ten or twenty years from now, grab together those long-term investments that you’ve been building up all these years, and reap the benefits of them. Cash them in. Sit around a table together, radiate laughter, make fools of yourselves, and tell the stories of today. That's when you know that you've made a wise investment.

Judgment Day

My blog post last night got me thinking……

When I write blogs, I sooooo believe everything that I say and am encouraged and excited about what I write. I get caught up in the moment and have all engines fired up. I love it! I feel powerful and armed with a purpose.

Then, the unthinkable happens. I get caught up in the other things. I get distracted. And those ideas and revelations that I’ve had in the past and blogged about, well, they sound good, but I have a hard time turning them into real life; a hard time converting them into truth.

I’ll give you an example:

I was re-reading some of my recent blogs, and the one that struck me the most was my Breaking the Mold blog from early December. I love that blog, and I remember exactly how I felt when I wrote it. I still get encouraged when I think of that day. I was sitting on my couch on a Saturday morning when I was supposed to have gone to a conference in Oklahoma City that weekend, but it snowed in Houston and we couldn’t get out. A lot happened that morning, and my blog was purposeful; I was going to make a difference in my life; I was realizing things that I had not realized before. And if you go back and re-read it, you’ll notice that I had Action Plans set for myself on what I wanted to do in response to my revelations. Here’s a summary of those Action Plans:

Action Plan #1: Break the mold. Be the puzzle piece that doesn’t fit. Find my own purpose and way to do God’s works through my life.

Action Plan #2: Break the mold by finding a church and diving below its surface. Don’t value it for its entertainment factor, but determine what qualities of a church are important to me and seek those instead.

Action Plan #3: Break free from the idea that I should wait for God’s will in my life to make daily decisions. Live my life for now, for today, and not for what I’m waiting for in the future, all the while glorifying Him, listening to Him, and continuing to learn from my mistakes.

So what is my progress? I’m ashamed to say, not much progress at all. It really does hurt me to say that. It bothers me that I can’t follow through with things that I was truly so passionate about, and that made a difference in my life, even if just for a day or a week. How am I supposed to grow and become more purposeful in life when all I can do is write about things instead of actually doing them?

I’m angry with myself! Well and truly angry. And I’m not real sure what to do about it. I think I need a watchdog; someone to judge me; someone to keep me accountable. I don’t know. Ugggh! But one thing I do know, is that something has got to change.

Now don’t get me wrong. I haven’t been living this heathen lifestyle for the last three months. To be honest, I’ve barely had time to do anything of my own choosing. But I do know that I have not been committed to finding a church and have come up with every excuse in the book to use. There are no more excuses. I need a church, and I need one now.

And I also know that I haven’t been truly seeking God’s purpose for my life lately. I’ve just been going along, taking what I’m dealt, and not seeking what He would have for me. I haven’t been listening for Him, or really talking to Him for that matter. And I can tell. I can tell in the way I interact with people, I can tell in the way I approach each day, and I can tell when I start worrying about things that are really not under my control. That’s not what I want for myself.

So today, it’s judgment day. I’m judging myself, and I want YOU to judge me too. Maybe that will ignite the fire beneath me to start doing things that I know, that I need, and that I crave. Judge me against the goals that I have set for myself. Judge me against the things that I need to do to accomplish what I have set out to achieve. Tell me when I’m not focused and need to divert my eyes back to what is real, and honest, and good. I want the verdict to be good and I P-R-O-M-I-S-E you that I will get there. Cross my heart! You just wait and see, and have faith in me! Then judgment day will come again, and I will be in a better place.